I searched for “boyfriend” on Amazon.com today. I’m pretty annoyed right now that I can’t seem to succeed at anything. I feel like I’m failing at work, I’m failing at relationships, I’m failing at money (thanks to the current economic status), I’m just a failure in general. I know that I’m oversimplifying things, but sometimes, that is just how I feel. Today is one of those days.
I’m tired. I’m tired of never being in the right place at the right time. I’m tired of meeting other people’s Mr. Right and doing the right thing. I’m tired of not wanting the people who want me. I’m tired of pretending to you all like this is really a top priority of mine.
So I wondered if I could just have a boyfriend Fedex-ed to me from Amazon so that I could move on and start writing about important things instead of entertaining you with my many failings. If not completely satisfied within 30 days, I could send him back. The search result gave me books, one Ashlee Simpson CD, and a Mr Right Grow Doll that you place in water and he grows 600% his size. The description explains why you should buy one.
Top 10 reasons why you should grow your own boyfriend:
10. Free movie and dinner date.
9. He’s polite!
8. He’s always there when you need him.
7. He NEVER snores.
6. Never argues.
5. Always agrees.
4. Never looks at your credit card bills.
3. He always shuts up!
2. He doesn’t chew with his mouth open.
1. He doesn’t look at you like you’re nuts when you buy another pair of shoes.
How can you argue with that?
Okay, so flying first class failed miserably, and Waterbury Girl reminded me that even in CT I managed to pick up gay men at charity events. (They were actually a couple, and immediately upon meeting me, they decided to name me Trouble. Appropriate, I thought. They also were convinced that Waterbury Girl and I were a lesbian couple.)
Last week, I had a new idea to pick up college professors. I do have a penchant for people who can talk comfortably in front of hundreds of people, so I thought this might be a good plan. Wrong. There were a couple execution failures here. The first is that I was meeting college professors to talk about giving a presentation at the local Sally Ride Science Festival. Since when did I think there would be single, young men helping out at a science day aimed at 5th to 8th grade girls? Okay, I knew better, but it was still a thought. The other problem is that I was reminded of how shy most teachers are. It really is an interesting dichotomy. Most teachers, when put in a room of students, can be entertaining and lively. Put them in a room of their peers and they are deer in headlights. I had forgotten this from my years of teaching. College professors are out.
My new plan is attending events through Facebook. Of course, the first event I signed up to attend is for Geek Girls. Again, not really a place to meet guys, but it sounded interesting. Somedays, even I question if maybe I’m a lesbian. (BTW, I can bring one guy with me. I will accept bribes.)
So having already set myself up for failure there, I signed up for another event about developing applications for OpenSocial/Facebook. This will hopefully land me in a room of social geeks. If there really is such a thing. They are at least geeks who use social software. That is a start.
I’ll let you know how it all plays out.
Just reading through Guy Kawasaki’s blog and he has a great little interview with Garr Reynolds of Presentation Zen. I’ve enjoyed the few posts that I’ve read there and am excited to see that he now has a book. I think I’ll make a point of picking this one up. I was amused by the interview when Garr says he wishes that “Microsoft would call Bert Decker for some coaching and hire Duarte for the visuals.” Lucky for me, I get to work with Duarte for my presentations. They really are amazing. And come Halloween, make sure to do a search for the Duarte Pumpkin Carving Contest. The best carved pumpkins you will ever see!
Next Saturday, Double D and I are going to the Technology In Wartime Conference at Stanford. We are most excited about the keynote presentation given by Bruce Schneier. The whole conference looks to be quite fascinating. It makes me think of one of my favorite classes in college, Computer Ethics. An early morning class where we debated the morality of what we do. Of course the thing I remember most is that my classmate with the white streak of hair would bring Irish coffee to class to share. Always made the conversations more lively.
If you are interested in attending, registration is still open.
See all seven posts to followup:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7
Friday is now officially over. Next up: Monday. No, we don’t have Monday off, so please don’t tell me that you do. We don’t have a holiday until Memorial Day in May. That is what we get in exchange for having the whole week from Christmas to New Years off. We get Memorial Day, Fourth of July (+1 day if it is a Tuesday or Thursday), Labor Day, Thanksgiving Day and the day after, and then Christmas through New Years. For the last two years, we have also had the whole week of Thanksgiving off. Most of the time I end up working on Memorial Day because it falls before our big conference in the summer. So right now, you people with your bank and government holidays can keep your mouths shut, or I will start emailing you every time that I eat lunch outside. And trust me, you don’t want to know that I eat lunch outside every day that it isn’t raining. And it doesn’t rain often.
I’m tired, I’m grumpy, and now I’ve got a whole week of work ahead of me. Outlook not so good.