FIrst, it was the 1950′s and my family and I were living in an old Victorian style house. It became the 1960′s, people started doing more drugs, and my family, tired of me being the spinster of the family, decided to set up an arranged marriage. So they met with another family and created a video invitation to the wedding. Someone showed me the video and that is when I realized they had arranged for me to marry a woman. How many times do I have to tell them I’m not a lesbian? (This was actually a mashup of watching Hemlock Grove, seeing photos of a wedding my friend officiated, leftovers from Meine Schwester’s wedding, and because my Cuz has driven to Iowa so she can marry her partner. Congrats Cuz!
Then the dog woke me up and made me take her out. So when I went back to sleep for an hour and a half, I was back in high school, in a musical directed by my English teachers. I was frustrated and angry and couldn’t figure out my part, or what my queues were, or keep beat, or stay on pitch, so I kept wandering off. I sat on a couch. I got some pink lemonade. I wandered down the narrow cobblestone streets at 5:30 am and waited outside a Starbucks for oatmeal. I got to the counter and realized I had no money and that I forgot to walk the dog. My dog appeared outside. I didn’t have a leash for her. We walked up the wrong street and got lost. An old man rode a horse up the wet cobblestone steps and the horse kept falling and he kept kicking it. The horse looked at me to save it. I was trying to keep my dog out of the street from the cars whizzing by. The ocean was on the right, we were lost.
I made my way back eventually and brought the dog home. It was rehearsal again. The Divas were driving me crazy, so I went to the top of the Marriott for a drink. The elevator scares me. There was a private party. I wandered around for a while and realized it was a party for people who had survived an alien abduction. I didn’t belong, but I could fake my way through this. They kicked me out. Four elevators opened at once, four people got in, and I missed them all. Then one elevator opened and a woman and I got in. It was oddly shaped with a pillar inside. It kept going faster, the woman started freaking out. Then the elevator tilted 45 degrees and I started freaking out. Then we could see sunshine. The elevator became the booth of a giant ferris wheel. It went around twice and we were let out.
I went back to rehearsal. I was trying to fit in, but just couldn’t. The Divas started feinging interest in my disinterest. My ears hurt. I couldn’t hear them. I just got frustrated. One English teacher politely told me that she was going to have to cut me if I didn’t participate. Her new husband kept trying to help me out, but didn’t understand what was wrong. Finally, I was on the toilet, taking a poo on the side of a crowded room while reading through the script and having people talk to me and distract me from what I was doing.
I recognized that as a sign I needed to wake up.