Archive for the ‘Weddings’ Category

Rehersal reception

The hotel let us crash the billiards room to practice recepting. I had fun playing with the groom’s gift from the bride—a Nikon D90. I need a speed light.

This is just an iPhone shot. But is this how billiard balls are stored? We were confused.

Posted from my iPhone

No spark

After the rehersal dinner, it seemed the groom had lost the spark…in his car. So we gave him a jump.

Posted from my iPhone

Feeling old

Found Uncle Sam at Brown’s in downtown Troy.

Asked the waitress what Brown’s was between now and when it was Brown and Moran’s. She said, “My mom still calls it Brown and Moran’s.”

I have never felt so old.

I have missed this place. I missed the Cherry Rasberry Ale. I missed the Spiedes. I missed walking into the kitchen thinking it was the bathroom.

Posted from my iPhone

Flowers for Algernon

I don’t have jetlag, but I got a late start painting my fingernails and toenails tonight, so I’m waiting for them to dry. So I’ll catch you up on what I’m doing here in Schenectady, NY.

Two of my good friends, TOK and Vision Guy, are getting married. I’m the MoH (Maid of Honor), so I came a few days early to help prepare. You’d think that with all the weddings I’ve been to lately, I’d be better at this. But I’m not. Lucky for me, TOK has everything ready to go, so I have been helping with all the errands, watching the kids, and providing a small amount of entertainment.

One of the errands involved stopping by a facility for memory-loss patients. Of course, the first thing that happened was that I almost let one escape! When the staff buzzed TOK and I in, there was an elderly man standing by the door. As I walked in, he tried to slip out. The look on his face told me he wasn’t supposed to be doing that, so I pulled the door shut behind me. But it wasn’t quite fast enough and he opened the door up. The alarm sounded. A staff member came and coaxed him back inside.

The facility was pretty nice and the staff were helpful, but it was tough seeing everyone there looking kind of lost. I could only imagine what it must be like for the patients during those rare moments of lucidity when they recognize family members, realize where they are, and comprehend their situation.

TOK was amazing. Gentle, but persuasive. Incredibly caring. And I was useless. I didn’t know what to do or say. Besides, it didn’t seem like it would make any difference if I explained who I am. So as I sat there silent, I was thinking about how patient the staff must be, and how hard it is on family members when their loved one doesn’t remember who they are any longer. And when TOK explained for the third time that she will be marrying this woman’s son on Saturday, and the woman looked kind of confused and shocked, TOK joked again that maybe they should have mentioned the wedding sooner. And I tried to nonchalantly wipe away my tears.

Wedding sex

I have a friend who has a theory, that the best hookups are at weddings. So I’ve been trying to test this theory by attending a lot of weddings. Of course, this is the same friend I tried to pick up at a wedding. I failed, but he has some very good points that validate my attempt:

1. Location, location, location!
Weddings are in cool places with great ambiance and music that you can talk over and dance to. The venue is beautifully decorated, well lit, and romantic. And sometimes you find some really great dancers. I do love a good lead…

Weddings are not in loud, smokey bars full of drunks where your shoes stick to the floor, the neon signs are flashing their way to certain death, strangers grind up against your ass, and you get caught gasping in horror in the morning when you see your hookup in natural light.

2. Appropriate attire is required
Everyone is dressed to the nines and looking pretty damn pimp. This is what your hookup looks like at their best. People spend hours primping and prepping and ironing and curling. No detail is missed.

So even if your hookup dresses like a slob in every day life, you know that if you put some effort into him, you can get him to look more like this on a regular basis.

3. Attitude
People are in a good mood and ready to party. The only tears are usually joyful and not into a beer. Mostly (see #5). Funerals are not particularly good places for hookups. Those are usually done out of desperation and despair. Not that I know any of this personally…

4. Veni, vidi, bibi vino
I’m not even going to paraphrase my friend on this one. He says:

Everyone is always drinking wine. Sure, there’s beer, but wine just makes people want to take off clothing and get some skin on skin. (Sure, hard liquor makes folks wanna get naked too, but it’s different. You wanna bone and get raw when you’re boozing. With wine, you want naked skin on skin for hours, not just a quick “get me off” thrill like you want with booze.)

How can you dispute that?!

5. Timing is everything
My friend’s theory on this:

[Weddings] always end like, at 10pm or 11pm. Rarely do they go to midnight. It’s simply more difficult to find the energy to go get laid at 2am when you’ve been pounding swill. When it’s 11pm and you’ve had three glasses of wine, there’s plenty of time and energy left in the night to get it on.

Although I have been to a few weddings that lasted until the wee hours of the morning. One of those ended with me in my bridesmaids gown, sitting on the dance floor at 2am while Brother K pulled the hundred bobby pins from my hair as Meine Schwester’s ex cried about his broken heart.

What’s your theory?

Wedding photos

Check out the full set of Civil Sarah and Rollerboy’s wedding photos in mygallery.

Posted from my iPhone

Civil Sarah and Rollerblading Boy’s Wedding

I arrived at the airport early, so I’ve already filtered through the photos. Seems someone thought it was a good idea to put wifi on the plane, so here are some teaser photos from Civil Sarah and Rollerblading Boy’s wedding. The rest of the photos will be up as soon as I have more bandwidth.

These were on the groom’s cake. Aren’t they cute?

The Bride and Groom. Are you sure they are old enough to get married? What is the age for marriage in Texas anyways?

What are you looking at, Buster? Just because I was taking a photo of your wife’s bum doesn’t mean you can be a bum looker, you cheeky monkey!

Uh oh. What did she get herself into?

Caught taking photos!

Do fathers ever look as proud as they do during the father-daughter dance at their daughter’s wedding?

The rest of the California crew—my partners in crime.

They were making fun of me saying that all the photos of me are with a camera in front of my face. This is nothing new!

I hate using the flash. As a result, many of my photos are way too fuzzy to be any good. But I like the effect of movement. And I don’t like the harsh light my flash produces. The problem is worse when I hand my camera to someone else. However, you can see the dress I bought today. Decided I wanted something new to wear to the wedding, so I found a mall on the GPS and bought a dress within an hour. Cut off the tags and put it on in the bathroom. I actually bought two dresses because they were on sale. Now I have to find a reason to wear the other one.

Off to Dallas

I’m headed to Dallas for a wedding. I’m one of those crazy people who takes the 6:20 am flights, so I’ve been up since 3 am. I was a little confused when my alarm clock went off, but other than going to bed at 8 pm on a Friday night, it’s not so bad. Of course it would have been better if I had packed before going to bed. Oh well.

I am looking forward to taking a nice nap on the plane!

Posted from my iPhone

The photos are up

Here are a couple more teasers, but you can find the whole set in My Gallery.

The real story

Okay, okay, so that was all the polite side of the weekend. Here is what really happened in my imagination at the wedding.

To start, I put on the Magic Dress. You really have to see the Magic Dress in person to appreciate it. I don’t actually understand it myself. But to give you some idea, one of the older ladies at the wedding came over to me specifically to say, “You look amazing!” That was it. She walked off.

The Magic Dress has one problem though. The possibility of a wardrobe malfunction is highly probable, and increases exponentially if I dance. Some people don’t think of this as a problem, but lucky for me I had Physics Goddess to warn me of impending doom. Yes, once again, women are stopping other women from doing things that men would appreciate.

The wedding, really was as amazing as I said, you can see the photos once I post them. During drinks and appetizers, I was taking a lot of photos and people mistook me for the wedding photographer. That is okay. I’m not offended at that. I did get some good photos since people assumed that is who I was. Hope they didn’t think poorly of the wedding photographer with a camera in one hand and a margarita in the other.

At the table, I made fun of Physics Goddess and as she pretended to pour her glass of wine on me, the glass mason jar with the candle in front of me spewed a large chunk of glass onto my plate. People were then afraid to clink my glass after that. They thought I was possessed.

Speaking of Physics Goddess, we had this whole imaginary storyline going this weekend. It started with our rented Subaru from Washington. We made up a story about us being a lesbian couple from Seattle. I work at Microsoft, she is a home maker and cares for our pet Chihuahua. Some day I’ll bring a real date to a wedding.

Since I didn’t have a real date, I was in search of one. So when we got up to get our food—it was buffet stations, and a brilliant way to do it!—I saw a cute guy sitting alone at a table. I stepped out of line and invited Lonely Guy to our table if he would bring with him the bottles of wine at his table. Minnesota Girl asked a few minutes later if that was flirting. She married the first guy she ever dated and isn’t sure she would recognize it if she saw it. It was flirting all right. I thought I was going to get some. At least for a moment. Until that moment. The one where I saw his wedding ring. Fail.

But he was cute, and appreciated my sarcasm, and was kind enough to talk to me. He explained that he was seated at the table for the people working the wedding. Great. I’m hitting on the hired help.

Physics Goddess can corroberate my story. She watched me from afar as the flirting began and the flirting ended as soon as I realized he is married. She can also confirm that at the time, I didn’t know he was the lead singer of the band. Which, by the way, made him even hotter. And harder to behave myself.

But I did behave myself. I talked with him more throughout the evening because he is a pretty cool guy, but I turned off the serious flirting. Too bad because I really miss flirting. Really. There is a big difference with what I normally do and when I’m seriously flirting. It all has to do with intent.

So the evening continued. I danced. I danced a lot. I got other people to dance. We were all hurting by the end, but I love dancing at weddings. Especially when I only know a few people and they swear not to tell everyone how clumsy I am.

And it is easy to dance when you have a kick-ass band. The Clintons were awesome! Music was great and they are really fun. If you ever have a chance to see them play, do. Or download their music on iTunes .

I met the grooms friends and almost convinced them to do a photo titled “Big Sky, Full Moon,” but there were too many little kids running around. I tried hooking up PhD Math Major Barbie with Stifler, but she ended up with one of the less boisterous ones. She says that she wants to hook me up with her brother, but her friends thought her brother is gay. That would be typical for me.

I didn’t realize it, but I did take a couple photos and talk to Margot Kidder. Lois Lane was at the wedding! No, Superman didn’t show up.

Speaking of photos, this morning when I looked through the photos, I noticed that subconsciously I knew that Lonely Guy, aka John McLellan of The Clintons, played guitar because I have pictures of him playing for the wedding. So maybe I wasn’t as innocent as I thought!

At the end of the evening, I did introduce myself to John and told him what I do. Suddenly instead of me being his groupie, he became my groupie. I try to use my powers only for good. At least I waited until I was leaving before I weilded my secret weapon. Female engineers are hot! Not quite as hot as lead singers of bands, but whatever.

Why am I single again?

Oh yeah, I hit on the wrong guys.

Before my bus turned into a pumpkin and the engine into horses at midnight, I made my exit.

But not before John gave me a pick.

Maybe I am a groupie. ;-)


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