Archive for the ‘Weddings’ Category

Rehersal reception

The hotel let us crash the billiards room to practice recepting. I had fun playing with the groom’s gift from the bride—a Nikon D90. I need a speed light.

This is just an iPhone shot. But is this how billiard balls are stored? We were confused.


Posted from my iPhone

No spark

After the rehersal dinner, it seemed the groom had lost the spark…in his car. So we gave him a jump.


Posted from my iPhone

Feeling old

Found Uncle Sam at Brown’s in downtown Troy.

Asked the waitress what Brown’s was between now and when it was Brown and Moran’s. She said, “My mom still calls it Brown and Moran’s.”

I have never felt so old.

I have missed this place. I missed the Cherry Rasberry Ale. I missed the Spiedes. I missed walking into the kitchen thinking it was the bathroom.

Posted from my iPhone

Flowers for Algernon

I don’t have jetlag, but I got a late start painting my fingernails and toenails tonight, so I’m waiting for them to dry. So I’ll catch you up on what I’m doing here in Schenectady, NY.

Two of my good friends, TOK and Vision Guy, are getting married. I’m the MoH (Maid of Honor), so I came a few days early to help prepare. You’d think that with all the weddings I’ve been to lately, I’d be better at this. But I’m not. Lucky for me, TOK has everything ready to go, so I have been helping with all the errands, watching the kids, and providing a small amount of entertainment.

One of the errands involved stopping by a facility for memory-loss patients. Of course, the first thing that happened was that I almost let one escape! When the staff buzzed TOK and I in, there was an elderly man standing by the door. As I walked in, he tried to slip out. The look on his face told me he wasn’t supposed to be doing that, so I pulled the door shut behind me. But it wasn’t quite fast enough and he opened the door up. The alarm sounded. A staff member came and coaxed him back inside.

The facility was pretty nice and the staff were helpful, but it was tough seeing everyone there looking kind of lost. I could only imagine what it must be like for the patients during those rare moments of lucidity when they recognize family members, realize where they are, and comprehend their situation.

TOK was amazing. Gentle, but persuasive. Incredibly caring. And I was useless. I didn’t know what to do or say. Besides, it didn’t seem like it would make any difference if I explained who I am. So as I sat there silent, I was thinking about how patient the staff must be, and how hard it is on family members when their loved one doesn’t remember who they are any longer. And when TOK explained for the third time that she will be marrying this woman’s son on Saturday, and the woman looked kind of confused and shocked, TOK joked again that maybe they should have mentioned the wedding sooner. And I tried to nonchalantly wipe away my tears.

Wedding sex

I have a friend who has a theory, that the best hookups are at weddings. So I’ve been trying to test this theory by attending a lot of weddings. Of course, this is the same friend I tried to pick up at a wedding. I failed, but he has some very good points that validate my attempt:

1. Location, location, location!
Weddings are in cool places with great ambiance and music that you can talk over and dance to. The venue is beautifully decorated, well lit, and romantic. And sometimes you find some really great dancers. I do love a good lead…

Weddings are not in loud, smokey bars full of drunks where your shoes stick to the floor, the neon signs are flashing their way to certain death, strangers grind up against your ass, and you get caught gasping in horror in the morning when you see your hookup in natural light.

2. Appropriate attire is required
Everyone is dressed to the nines and looking pretty damn pimp. This is what your hookup looks like at their best. People spend hours primping and prepping and ironing and curling. No detail is missed.

So even if your hookup dresses like a slob in every day life, you know that if you put some effort into him, you can get him to look more like this on a regular basis.

3. Attitude
People are in a good mood and ready to party. The only tears are usually joyful and not into a beer. Mostly (see #5). Funerals are not particularly good places for hookups. Those are usually done out of desperation and despair. Not that I know any of this personally…

4. Veni, vidi, bibi vino
I’m not even going to paraphrase my friend on this one. He says:

Everyone is always drinking wine. Sure, there’s beer, but wine just makes people want to take off clothing and get some skin on skin. (Sure, hard liquor makes folks wanna get naked too, but it’s different. You wanna bone and get raw when you’re boozing. With wine, you want naked skin on skin for hours, not just a quick “get me off” thrill like you want with booze.)

How can you dispute that?!

5. Timing is everything
My friend’s theory on this:

[Weddings] always end like, at 10pm or 11pm. Rarely do they go to midnight. It’s simply more difficult to find the energy to go get laid at 2am when you’ve been pounding swill. When it’s 11pm and you’ve had three glasses of wine, there’s plenty of time and energy left in the night to get it on.

Although I have been to a few weddings that lasted until the wee hours of the morning. One of those ended with me in my bridesmaids gown, sitting on the dance floor at 2am while Brother K pulled the hundred bobby pins from my hair as Meine Schwester’s ex cried about his broken heart.

What’s your theory?

Wedding photos

Check out the full set of Civil Sarah and Rollerboy’s wedding photos in mygallery.

Posted from my iPhone

Civil Sarah and Rollerblading Boy’s Wedding

I arrived at the airport early, so I’ve already filtered through the photos. Seems someone thought it was a good idea to put wifi on the plane, so here are some teaser photos from Civil Sarah and Rollerblading Boy’s wedding. The rest of the photos will be up as soon as I have more bandwidth.

These were on the groom’s cake. Aren’t they cute?


The Bride and Groom. Are you sure they are old enough to get married? What is the age for marriage in Texas anyways?


What are you looking at, Buster? Just because I was taking a photo of your wife’s bum doesn’t mean you can be a bum looker, you cheeky monkey!


Uh oh. What did she get herself into?


Caught taking photos!


Do fathers ever look as proud as they do during the father-daughter dance at their daughter’s wedding?


The rest of the California crew—my partners in crime.


They were making fun of me saying that all the photos of me are with a camera in front of my face. This is nothing new!


I hate using the flash. As a result, many of my photos are way too fuzzy to be any good. But I like the effect of movement. And I don’t like the harsh light my flash produces. The problem is worse when I hand my camera to someone else. However, you can see the dress I bought today. Decided I wanted something new to wear to the wedding, so I found a mall on the GPS and bought a dress within an hour. Cut off the tags and put it on in the bathroom. I actually bought two dresses because they were on sale. Now I have to find a reason to wear the other one.

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