Okay, okay, so that was all the polite side of the weekend. Here is what really happened in my imagination at the wedding.
To start, I put on the Magic Dress. You really have to see the Magic Dress in person to appreciate it. I don’t actually understand it myself. But to give you some idea, one of the older ladies at the wedding came over to me specifically to say, “You look amazing!” That was it. She walked off.
The Magic Dress has one problem though. The possibility of a wardrobe malfunction is highly probable, and increases exponentially if I dance. Some people don’t think of this as a problem, but lucky for me I had Physics Goddess to warn me of impending doom. Yes, once again, women are stopping other women from doing things that men would appreciate.
The wedding, really was as amazing as I said, you can see the photos once I post them. During drinks and appetizers, I was taking a lot of photos and people mistook me for the wedding photographer. That is okay. I’m not offended at that. I did get some good photos since people assumed that is who I was. Hope they didn’t think poorly of the wedding photographer with a camera in one hand and a margarita in the other.
At the table, I made fun of Physics Goddess and as she pretended to pour her glass of wine on me, the glass mason jar with the candle in front of me spewed a large chunk of glass onto my plate. People were then afraid to clink my glass after that. They thought I was possessed.
Speaking of Physics Goddess, we had this whole imaginary storyline going this weekend. It started with our rented Subaru from Washington. We made up a story about us being a lesbian couple from Seattle. I work at Microsoft, she is a home maker and cares for our pet Chihuahua. Some day I’ll bring a real date to a wedding.
Since I didn’t have a real date, I was in search of one. So when we got up to get our food—it was buffet stations, and a brilliant way to do it!—I saw a cute guy sitting alone at a table. I stepped out of line and invited Lonely Guy to our table if he would bring with him the bottles of wine at his table. Minnesota Girl asked a few minutes later if that was flirting. She married the first guy she ever dated and isn’t sure she would recognize it if she saw it. It was flirting all right. I thought I was going to get some. At least for a moment. Until that moment. The one where I saw his wedding ring. Fail.
But he was cute, and appreciated my sarcasm, and was kind enough to talk to me. He explained that he was seated at the table for the people working the wedding. Great. I’m hitting on the hired help.
Physics Goddess can corroberate my story. She watched me from afar as the flirting began and the flirting ended as soon as I realized he is married. She can also confirm that at the time, I didn’t know he was the lead singer of the band. Which, by the way, made him even hotter. And harder to behave myself.
But I did behave myself. I talked with him more throughout the evening because he is a pretty cool guy, but I turned off the serious flirting. Too bad because I really miss flirting. Really. There is a big difference with what I normally do and when I’m seriously flirting. It all has to do with intent.
So the evening continued. I danced. I danced a lot. I got other people to dance. We were all hurting by the end, but I love dancing at weddings. Especially when I only know a few people and they swear not to tell everyone how clumsy I am.
And it is easy to dance when you have a kick-ass band. The Clintons were awesome! Music was great and they are really fun. If you ever have a chance to see them play, do. Or download their music on iTunes .
I met the grooms friends and almost convinced them to do a photo titled “Big Sky, Full Moon,” but there were too many little kids running around. I tried hooking up PhD Math Major Barbie with Stifler, but she ended up with one of the less boisterous ones. She says that she wants to hook me up with her brother, but her friends thought her brother is gay. That would be typical for me.
I didn’t realize it, but I did take a couple photos and talk to Margot Kidder. Lois Lane was at the wedding! No, Superman didn’t show up.
Speaking of photos, this morning when I looked through the photos, I noticed that subconsciously I knew that Lonely Guy, aka John McLellan of The Clintons, played guitar because I have pictures of him playing for the wedding. So maybe I wasn’t as innocent as I thought!
At the end of the evening, I did introduce myself to John and told him what I do. Suddenly instead of me being his groupie, he became my groupie. I try to use my powers only for good. At least I waited until I was leaving before I weilded my secret weapon. Female engineers are hot! Not quite as hot as lead singers of bands, but whatever.
Why am I single again?
Oh yeah, I hit on the wrong guys.
Before my bus turned into a pumpkin and the engine into horses at midnight, I made my exit.
But not before John gave me a pick.
Maybe I am a groupie. ;-)