I finally watched Secretary tonight. It was everything I had hoped it would be. A little self-mutilation, some sadomasochism, and a lot of submissive/dominant behavior. It was fabulous. I enjoyed every moment of it.

I know I probably shouldn’t admit that, but I think that everyone has a little bit of these tendencies. They may not be played out in a sexual fashion, yet they exist. You may not even realize that you do enjoy it, but it is probably what gets you into that situation again and again.

Personally, I think marathon runners are definitely masochistic. Seriously, why else would anyone cause themselves that much pain? Isn’t that what athletics is really about—enjoying the pain? My legs are sore right now and it feels great every time I stretch them.

Catholicism definitely encourages this behaviour. I was sorting my mail once when a coworker said, “You’re Catholic, aren’t you?”
“Yes. Why do you ask?”
“You put all of the personal mail at the bottom and the bills on top.”

It is true. I do this in all aspects of my life. I’ll eat my vegetables first and save the french fries for last. I’ll run the last half mile after hiking a mountain. I’ll take seven classes my last semester in school. Truth be told, I enjoyed having braces. I liked the subtle constant pain. There was something comforting about it. I still sleep better with my retainers on.

You can deny it all you want, but there are probably things you do as well. I don’t think we talk about it because sadomasochism is such a sexually charged term, and as a society we don’t talk about sex. If you think about it, maybe there is a strange rule that you’ve set in place for yourself, or something you do ritualistically. Maybe you put yourself into positions of power or weakness. Maybe you bite your nails until they bleed. Maybe you wait incessantly for someone to call. Whatever it is, I bet you have a secret too.


One response to this post.

  1. Posted by Lowell on June 6, 2007 at 8:24 pm

    I always pictured you as more of a top then a bottom. LOL


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