Staked Perl out. She and I and Mitsy are hanging in the backyard for
an hour. Thought I'd catch up on some of my own stuff.
Archive for May, 2008
I was out tonight with two of The 2000. Why “The 2000”? Well, when I was teaching, my absolutely favorite class was the class of 2000. They were incredible. Funny thing is, many of my favorite people at work seem to be from the class of 2000. It is more bizarre than you know. But maybe I’ll explain that all later.
So we were at the Tied House in Mountain View. Our marsupial-loving bartender told us when we left to please come back again. This was because every time he stopped by our little spot at the bar, I managed to say something taken completely out of context. The one I remember best was when I said
How many people are caught with their pants down during an earthquake?
I had been telling the guys about my unnatural fear of being naked during an earthquake. Well, unnatural because my fear is actually about being naked at work during an earthquake. And thinking about this always makes me wonder how many people are on the toilet, or in the shower, or having sex when a natural disaster strikes.
Personally, I can’t seem to sleep naked because of this. However, I do occasionally take naked afternoon naps. I don’t want to get pet hair on my clothes and I’m too tired to find my pjs. And I figure I won’t sleep as deeply as I do at night, so I might be able to get dressed faster.
Back to the point of the story, our bartender was shit faced during the Loma Prieta earthquake and was actually on the toilet. Finally, confirmation that it does happen! My fear is not unfounded!
Yesterday, someone told a joke.
Women are like parking spaces. The good ones are taken or handicapped.
I wrote back. “You are talking about my golf handicap, right? Right?”
I was going to write all my handicaps down here. But there are too many, and I don’t have the time. Feel free to write them all in the comments though. ;-)
Something reminded me of this story today. Guess I never told you all about it.
I walked into my house one day after work. The power was out. Pitch black. Except for this faint blue light that kept flashing. Always off to the side. By the time I turned my head to look at it, it was gone. Every few seconds. It was in all the rooms. It was in the closets and the cupboards. It was everywhere. But never in front of me. Always to the side. The left side.
It took me half an hour to realize it was the Motorola bluetooth headset in my ear.
I’m on or off, black or white. Why do I think this? Because I never open my windows half way.
I was driving home tonight and it was too hot in the car. So I opened all the windows. Then it was too cold, so I closed all the windows. Then it was too hot again.
I do the same thing at home. Open all the windows all the way or none of the windows.
Ridiculous, I know, but I can’t convince myself to open one window, or open a window partially.
So now I wonder what other parts of my life are so black and white.