Archive for October 15th, 2008


Good round of golf today, despite my busted shoes. Actually, I had one
really bad hole that ruined my score, but overall it was a beautiful
game on a beautiful day.

Phone Phun

I try to give phone systems an ego boost by letting them help me. This morning, I attempted to navigate two systems.

Zero Zero Zero. That is the hint. This was the phone system from hell.

I told The Voice that I wanted to talk to a Representative.

“Do you want to speak to a representative?”

“Yes.” Yes I do.

“Maybe I can help you first.”

This plays out three times and I thought that I could get through. But no. I was sadly mistaken. Finally I gave up and just started pressing ‘0’ until someone came on the line. It was ridiculous.

I was calling because I changed my automatic payment, only my payment wasn’t deducted on the day that I was told it would. Not that I really want to pay, but not paying is worse. Although if I stopped paying for a while, maybe I could get some of this bailout money. Hrm…

When I did reach The Human and The Human “fixed” my problem, The Human asked if I wanted to talk to someone about refinancing. Sure. Why not.

The Refinancer told me that I’ve only lost $10K on my home so far, as if that were supposed to make me feel better. And then he told me that I could refinance for a higher interest rate then what I have. No bailout for me. Bummer.

United Healthcare

Again, I let The Voice assist me. The Voice asked if I had a problem with one of my claims.

“Yes.” Yes I do.

“What is the date of your claim?” I rattled it off.

The Voice started reading the claims that were from that date. The Voice got to the claim in question and immediately recognized that I might have a problem with the claim and suggested I speak to a representative.

“YES!” I was so excited. I could barely contain myself. I could have hugged my iPhone right then.

The Representative immediately questioned why they had denied the claim. The Representative blamed The Computer. The Computer thought that I had already maxed out my claims for the year even though I hadn’t filed any. Funny.

The Representative fixed the problem. It took him a few minutes. So I regaled him with stories. I started by apologizing for my dog. Perl has a bad habit of finding every squeaky toy in the house when I’m on the phone. Then I told him how much I appreciated United Healthcare’s Voice over Countrywide’s Voice. I told him about how my first interview out of college was with a company that made voicemail systems. They wanted me to do engineering, but they also were hoping I would be the voice.

The Voice? Can you imagine being The Voice? I wouldn’t be able to talk in public places. I’d speak on a train and people would turn and glare at me, not knowing why they hated me instantly. They wouldn’t recognize my voice immediately, but it would send chills down their spine. I just couldn’t do it.

I feel bad for The Voice. Do you think that in real life they have become Mimes just to avoid the hatred?


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