Resume driving

I had planned to ride my bike to the DMV this morning to renew my license. But just before I fell asleep I remembered that the DMV would take a new photo. Have you ever seen an Irish girl exercise? My face gets bright red and I look like I’m going to die. And then I would have had a line on my head from the bike helmet. And I would have had bed/bike hair because I wasn’t going to shower until I arrived at work. So I devised a new plan.

I had a friend drop me off at the DMV after I showered, straightened my hair, and put on some makeup. I even remembered to wear green for St. Patrick’s Day. But I had stopped at Starbucks. There was a sign on the door of the DMV stating that food and drink was not allowed. Last thing I needed to do was to piss them off, so I sat outside and downed my vanilla latte.

I received my number, G057, and filled out my driver’s license renewal form. I started the time count when I sat down. 9:30 am.

I was going to do work, or read a book, or check my RSS feed, but the eye charts hanging in the middle of the room reminded me that if I read I would not be able to refocus and read the charts as easily. I also didn’t want to look cross-eyed in my photo. So I waited.

The numbers went by quickly. I started to get nervous. My palms were sweating. My breathing labored. I was so excited for my number to be called that I wanted to yell out, “BINGO!”

“Number G057 to Window 13.” I didn’t yell out BINGO, but I did ask Window 13 how often that happens. She said that it happens a lot and scares the shit out of them. People who yell BINGO do it loudly. And the DMV gets terrorist threats. So the workers jump when it happens. Now I’m glad I didn’t do it. They’ve only ever been nice to me. It helps to smile and be pleasant with people who have to deal with angry customers all day.

It also helps to have a unique middle name. She read it on my application and laughed. I explained how it gets me out of trouble with Customs all the time too. She understood why. It helps to break the ice. I highly recommend giving your kids unusual middle names.

I completed the eye test. She asked if I wear contacts. Yes, but only one, so can I get half credit? She laughed again. I bet her that she didn’t expect me to be this strange when I walked up. She politely answered with a smile.

I paid, and she sent me to the picture line. Naming two lines ‘C’ and ‘D’ isn’t good for people who don’t speak English well, or for that case, anyone. They are hard to distinguish when yelled.

My time with The License Photographer was brief but pleasant. I smiled and he said it would be quick and painless. I adjusted myself. He asked me to remove the sunglasses from the top of my head. He took my signature, my thumbprint, and my soul in the form of an inch by an inch and a half photo.

And I was done. Out in 35 minutes.


One response to this post.

  1. Awesome. DMV is always fast for me when it’s open even if there are a ton of people there. I hardly have time to do anything to pass the time because it all moves so fast.



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