Ten Reasons Why I Don’t Want (My Own) Kids

I recently read this post about 5 Reasons Why I Don’t Want Kids. It was interesting, but not completely true for me. So here is my list to explain why I don’t want kids of my own.

1. I’m not good with babies

I can deal with babies, but it is really difficult for me. I don’t think they are cute. I try to pretend, but I’m really grossed out by them. I’d like to think that if I had one of my own that my instincts would kick in, but I can’t guarantee that. They poo, they pee, they snot everywhere. I just can’t deal with all of the bodily fluids, and the food burped up everywhere.

2. I hate primary colors

I’m a neat freak, I’ll admit it. Primary colors were cool in the 90’s, but I’ve outgrown them. I love my time tutoring 5th grade, but I can’t handle the chaos for more than an hour or two. If I had a kid, it would collect everything. It would make a mess. I couldn’t handle that.

3. I’m selfish

I like doing what I want when I want. I like traveling as I feel like it. It is hard enough having pets. I can’t imagine how hard it would be if I had children.

4.  I’m an introvert

When I get home from work, I often just hide on my couch watching tv because all the socialization of the day is exhausting. I do a good job of faking it as an extrovert, but I’m not naturally one. I have a lot of respect for people who work all day and then go home and have to continue having conversation.

5. I’m petrified of pregnancy

I have a feeling that I would wake up screaming, clawing at my belly, yelling to get the alien out. I hear that the hormones take care of this issue, but maybe I’ve seen one too many movies and have too much of a wild imagination.

6. I’m saving the environment

Every person born into existence is using precious resources. I’m doing my part to conserve carbon emissions.

7. The world is a terrible place

Have you watched network news lately, or listened to the Republican Party? How could anyone bring a child into that horrible world that they paint? I know it isn’t quite that bad, but I still can’t do that against my conscious.

8. I need my sleep

I’ve talked to friends with babies. They get no sleep. They are woken in the middle of the night. They walk like zombies among us. I crave my 7-8 hours, regardless of how dream riddled they are. My nieces came to visit and I fell asleep before them.

9. No one wants my genes

I came out of the womb with buck teeth and cross-eyed. Four years of braces and two eye surgeries later, I almost look presentable, but I don’t know what of that I will pass down. Also, I have otosclerosis and had an ovary removed because of a 4-inch ovarian cyst. Why would I impose all of that on anyone else?

10. I already have a lot of children

I taught high school for a number of years. Boarding school. In loco parentis, et al. I love my kids. I adore them. I’m so proud of them. I am grateful that I can be part of their lives. But I’m glad I didn’t give birth to them. I’m missing those genes.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m awesome with kids. And I’d be great with someone else’s. I even think that if I had my own  by accident that I would figure it all out like everyone else. But I wouldn’t do it on purpose.

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